Pray, Love, Eat

Well now... I had no idea it had been so long since I'd posted anything.  Yeesh.  Nothing major going on, just plugging along and staying the course.  All is well in the Land of Rieda - dare I mention the word h-a-p-p-y ?  Please read the following with a positive spin as that is how it is written. 

I tried many times in the last couple of years to read the book "Eat, Pray, Love".  I would pick it up... put it down, pick it up, put it down... and then I saw the movie.  Then I really wanted to see if I could finish the book.  As you would expect, the big screen version is different from the book and I was ok with that. I didn't read it like I do  my standard trashy novels... so it took a LOT longer than usual.  If you haven't seen the book, it a quest - one woman's journey to find a relationship with herself, God and the universe. Something all of us, man or woman, could use - I think.

One day I was sitting at lunch and I pulled the book out of my bag (yes, I buy handbags that are purposedly big enough to carry books) and the front cover suddenly read (its really long) "Rieda - the answer to all you want is simple... Eat...Pray...Love"  Huh...That IS pretty simple...altho in a different order of things. 

So, MY order of things is this... Pray, Love, Eat.  


Pray -

I admit that I have been lax in my prayers.  All for reasons that are based in fear.  I am extremely grateful for all that I have and I have never denied that its all by the grace of God that my life has gone so well.  I'm not saying that I haven't had my own part in it - I have - because of the talents and skills I've been blessed with. The way I learned to pray as a child was very specific... give thanks before asking... and I am pretty comfortable doing that - my life is pretty darn good and extraordinarily blessed - it always has been. 

So, I have the gratitude part down...but then comes the asking... I'm really specific when asking others, no problem there.  Its only recently that I've realize that I'm not very specific when it comes to asking for things for myself.  Then I am usually quite vague.  I've been telling myself that its simply 'turning it over'... but really, its fear.  Fear that He will just say no to anything specific because, honestly, I don't deserve it...human screw up that I am.  (Please note that I am not saying that I am RIGHT...simply where my thinking has been...so no need to tell me)

So what do I need to do in the "pray " phase?  Apply the same specificity when asking God for what I need/want that I do when I am remembering others in my prayers.  (Please note that I KNOW that He knows what I need and want... and I think sometimes He waits for me to know and to ask). And get more comfortable praying in general... I've not been as consistent as I know I can be. This is not a new thing, just one with which I've gotten out of practice.

Love -

Ever had a time in your life when you thought "wow, I should be feeling more excitement (happiness, sadness, pain, etc) and yet its just not coming to you? And then you watch a commercial with kittens and all of a sudden the tears won't stop?  NO?  Well, I have... and its a strange feeling.   Maybe its just the years piling up on me, too many years of placing my hopes and heart on people that had no interest in granting or caring for them (respectively).  I don't FEEL bitter, so I really don't think that's it.  I still love me (as a species ;)  )  I recognize that I have shut down a lot though. 

Sadly, this is not an exclusive thing about men... I have a hard time bringing up emotions with friends too... except for the odd occasion when EVERYTHING comes spewing out uncontrollably and it takes me all night to recover.

I've recently been working on an exercise to try and excise some ghosts... people that have had a grip on me that I no longer want to maintain (notice that... the grip is self-imposed, I've been maintaining).  Ok...just one 'people' really comes to mind.  Reflecting on the one caused me to reflect on others... and one thing that I was reminded of was how easily I used to love.  I fell in love at the drop of a hat... it started when I was 12 and in 8th grade and probably didn't stop until I was in my 40's.  I don't think its a bad thing - to love easily - I just need to pair it with loving wisely.  Still a work in progress on that one... and until I can choose more wisely (think the Templar Knight in the chalice room on Raiders III) I will refrain from making any choices at all - don't worry, not in a defeatest kind of way, more in a healing kind of way.  Instead, I will focus on the health of my friendships...with men.  I used to be friends with guys... a long, long time ago!

Eat -

I figure by the time I get to the point of really dealing with food that most of my issues will have resolved themselves as they are intertwined with the other two components... prayer and love.  Whatever is left will be a matter of simply shaking it a little and sweeping it out.  :)

Ah food... my relationship with food is not a unique one... its my go-to when I'm feeling sad or lonely or in need of comfort. Or bored. Mostly bored.  I'd rather have a hug or five... but those are in short supply.  Judging from my weight issues (the reason for this blog, remember?) its been my solace for a very long time.  I don't really binge and I don't really get overwhelmed by sadness or loneliness... so its mostly just habit now...and inactivity.  And since food is a necessity to live, its not like I can go cold turkey.  So, I watch what I eat and just as importantly WHEN I eat.  I'm grateful for the changes I've already made in this area... there is more work to be done.

I continue to go to Weight Watchers... I've plateaued for the last couple of months... and its been very discouraging.  Ok, maybe one of those months I stopped caring.  And now I'm back on track.  For the first time in many weeks I had a nice loss (yay me!)... and I'm hoping its means I'm on the other side of the plateau. 

I have an exercise bike a girlfriend gave me and I gaze at it fondly...while it collects dust.  Actually, when I first got it, I was all gung ho...until my neighbor underneath me started pounding on the ceiling...I'm still not sure why but I haven't quite gotten to wanting to ride it before 9:00. I keep thinking 'well, if its that early, just go for a walk'  I'd rather walk anyway - but we seem to have gone from hot hot hot to cold rain cold temps here in NJ... blech. 

So what do I need to do for this topic?  Truly...just stay the course and move more.  Keep doing what I'm doing and it will come off... very, very slowly.  I have a goal in mind to reach before Thanksgiving... its another 10 lbs away.

Birthday

I had a birthday a couple of weeks ago... 44 years old...how did that happen?  I still feel young...so it must needs be that I am!  My gift to myself was to attend a Creative Visualization class on my bday.  I had hoped for...nay, expected...something new and was disappointed.  Instead it was a decent review of what I'd already known and learned from my wise and learned BFF, Stacy.  It was a nice night in that my friends Tiffany and Rachael also joined me.  It was in this class that I was reminded of the need to be specific...whether in prayer or visualization. 

And that wraps up tonights entry... the goal is to be in bed by midnight...so I just might make it. :)