Karalee was a pistol, she was audacious and ballsy. I met her when I was 19. I was in college and she was a married mom with two young daughters. We worked, along with many other fabulous women, for a retail store in a local mall. Over the course of many years we became the group known as the "LB Gang". She introduced me to many things as a young adult... and a young mother. My daughter had 'look' Barbies and 'play' Barbies because if her...lol She took me to Vegas for the first time (nope, I wasn't legal). And she and one of the other girls were who I used to go dancing with all the time... at the great indulgence of her husband.
In January 1995, I was working a part time job (in addition to my FT job) at the mall (different store) when called to tell me she had a brain tumor... I didn't think it was very funny. Neither did the doctors. The operated immediately and by the grace of God she recovered well. It was 18 months later that she and I were sitting on her patio and she told me the cancer was back and inoperable. I was stunned. And once the numbness wore off, I was determined to make sure that I spent as much time with her as possible and that she knew I loved her...so every time we were together I made a point of telling her I loved her before I left. A year later she refused to let me see her and wouldn't talk on the phone anymore... not COULDN'T... WOULDN'T. And two months later I received a call from her husband that she had died.
I can count on one hand the number of things that knocked me off my feet...literally, as in dropping to the floor. Dave's phone call was one of them.
I have been incredibly blessed in my life that until recent years I had not suffered the loss of friends or even many family members (up to that point, my grandfathers). So, to lose a friend I loved SO much was pivotal.
The best thing to come out of it was a new awareness of how important it is that people know they are loved. I've been lackadaisical about it lately and have resolved to do better. Comfortable or not, people, it needs to be said. I think its a common thing to unexpectedly lose someone and worry that they didn't know how much you cared for them... which, IMO, adds to the grieving. The only way to combat that is to TELL them. If "I love you" does not come easy, and for some of us it does not, there are other ways. Find the way that works best for you. And BTW, I believe they know... its just one thing that helps US find peace without them.
Losing someone always sucks... there's no way around it. And we take as long as we take to mourn the loss. When Dan died this summer, if you've read the entry about it you know, I was devastated. I spoke with a good friend that is a therapist shortly after learning of his death and she asked if I wanted her to help me process the loss... and I felt, and still do, pretty good about how things were left with us... we were dear friends who loved each other. I'm at peace with that. I like to believe he is too. I see flashes of him... just like I do Karalee and the others... in people or places... and while it twists my heart a little, my life was greatly blessed for having them in it.
To quote the fabulous James Taylor song...
Better to shower the people you love with love,
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be just fine if you only will.
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