Lessons at the Knee of My Mama

Life lessons start early... and lately I've been thinking about some of the things that I remember learning from my mother...so I thought I would dedicate this one to her and recount a few of them. In no particular order or importance... and at best, random...

What Should I Be When I Grow Up?
As children/teens (even adults!) most of us have had conversations with parents about "what should I do when I grow up"... oh, we all have ideas... sports stars, fireman, teachers, movie stars, pilots, doctors, nurses.  I don't remember WHY it came up I only remember the advice. She said "whatever you do, make sure it suits your soul.  If it doesn't, you'll be miserable." I've always remembered that and employed it when determining what to focus on in school... I always ALWAYS wanted to be a teacher... and as a child, I thought I'd teach grade school.  As an adult, I realized that I did not want to do that... and that I still really liked teaching and was good at it.  I learned that I am an awesome trainer of adults - its a completely different dynamic than teaching a child.  Teaching adults... technical training to be specific... is what "suits my soul". 

Roger Thorpe
I don't know how old I was when this happened, had to be grade school.  I was home from school (sick?) and was helping Mom fold clothes while we watcher TV.  Her soap of choice was the now dimmed Guiding Light (the only one I really ever followed too).  A man came on the screen and she turned to me and said "THAT is a snake... when you meet one, run the other direction".  That snake was Roger Thorpe, a charming, sneaky, handsome man that wreaked havoc on the show.  I remembered that... and sadly, did not run when I met some.  There's a reason men like that do well... their behavior works for them, they are darn near irresitable. LOL  *sigh*  Shoulda listened, yes, I know.

"Please excuse Rieda..."
Sometimes skipping school in order to spend the day with your mom...is ok. As long as you aren't missing tests and are generally a decent student.  My mom went back to college to get her RN when Roxie was in grade school.  Occassionally, as we were all getting ready for school, she would suggest that I skip school (no tests?) and go to school with her and then we'd go have lunch or go shopping in Spokane.  I loved those days and no lasting damage was done ( I have a Masters degree for pity's sake...it didn't scar me or turn me into a ner-do-well). 

The Big Picture
I think she got this from John Davis... or maybe President Welch... can't remember.  But I do remember being a bit of a drama queen... and I would positively stew over things...and then I'd be tortured (especially if it was about a boy).  I must have been over the top one day when she asked me something to the effect of "In the big picture, the expanse of eternity... will this matter?  will it change who you are and what you will be?"  Well... when you put it THAT way... hrrmpft.  If the answer is no, then LET. IT. GO.  Not much of the daily minutia really matters when its compared to the eternities, does it?  It taught me to try not to give my energy to the things that don't matter and focus on the things that do.

You Can Do It
At no point in my childhood did I expect to be a single parent. 

And my mother was so NOT happy when I told them I was pregnant (dad either).  However, from the moment I made the decision to stay in SLC (lots of prayer involved there!) I knew that I would be ok.  I told them how I had come to my decision and that was that.  All through my life my parents had been encouraging me... I could do anything I set my mind to.  And while not a smoothe period of my life, they quickly came to terms with my decision and were supportive in whatever manner I needed. 

There were concerns that I would never finish school... ha! I repeat... Masters Degree.  I could have wallowed and been a victim of my choices... but that's not how I was raised.  My parents, my grandparents... they all had many more challenges than I was facing... and their example made it clear that I came from good stock on all sides.  The lessons here?  A lifetime of parents teaching life skills... cooking (chicken and rice, tuna casserole, stew, pot roast, pasta chuta... all staples), babysitting (how many kids did she babysit when we were growing up?), sewing, housekeeping (altho like most I have no affinity for it), problem solving, and self-reliance.

Having been raised that way...oldest daughter and all that... being pregnant at 21 did not end my life. I was prepared to be a mother - even if it wasn't in ideal circumstances.  And the choice to stay in SLC with my family rather than return to DC?  The biggest lesson... trust that the Lord will guide you and take care of you.  (sadly I forgot that for a time... much better now).  Its true what they say, at least for me, raise a child up in the gospel and if they stray, they will return. 

My mother listened to the Spirit without questioning... with one exception (bike wreck, Catholic Church wall, hole in leg... scraped up from here to breakfast) ...lol  She didn't usually know why, she just KNEW. 

Self-esteem
One thing that I think has always pained my mother was my low self-esteem... she never understood how that happened.  I don't remember my parents being dismissive or doing things that told me I was unimportant to them.  As a matter of fact, they were forever telling me how smart I was, how beautiful and that they loved me.  So how did I end up thinking so poorly of myself?  Alright.. so I had brothers who were ruthless in their teasing (Chubs? Bucky?... did NOT help... and you are forgiven). The point is my parents were not at the core of my troubles... it really was all about boys...stupid, foolish, teenage boys and the foolish, hystrionic, teenage girl that wanted one to like her. 

One of the great loves of my life was a man that was 16 years older than I.  We were talking one day about high school and I was telling him that I had NO boyfriends at all and no one (boy) ever liked me... and that it was painful.  He said to me "if I'd known you then, I'd have told you you were beautiful"... to which I gently replied "honey, you were a grown up, I wouldn't have cared what you thought"  LOL  And its true... many an adult gave me praise and love... and it still didn't take the place of having the attention of a boy.  Sad, I know... but that's where it started. 

NOT with the mom or the dad.  I always knew they loved me and thought I was the cat's pajamas.  I never questioned it.  Peace be with you, Mom, it wasn't anything you did or did not do.  :)

Travel is Good
My mother started travelling internationally (with her mother) when I was in 7th grade. She and my grandmother (and my father to a degree) have a travel bug.  I have it... thanks to my trip to Italy with said grandmother.  And its not just the joy of travelling... its the history to be found there! 

Buy Name Brand
Buy the good stuff whenever you can afford it. 

Ok... that's all I can come up with now... its impossible to REALLY capture all the lessons learned at the knees of my parents... these are just a few.